Sometimes it happens that a long and strong friendship turns into something more and suddenly you catch yourself thinking that you want your best friend. And this is completely normal. Yes, exactly, you didn’t think so.
What to do in a similar situation?
There are a lot of options for possible behavior. But if such feelings cause you discomfort, a feeling that “something is wrong” with you, then the first thing to do is to accept them.
How to take in yourself what you want your best friend
As you know, sexually attracted to a person of his gender is called homosexuality or bisexuality, if at the same time a person experiences similar feelings for representatives of the opposite sex. Why should such feelings be accepted? Because we are all arranged that we feel a desire for other people and not necessarily the opposite sex. In the countries of the former Soviet Union, different people today have different attitudes towards homosexuality. Often this is a negative or wary attitude caused by a lack of information. However, it is very simple to make up for it by reading modern research, the opinions of leading psychologists, sociologists, public figures and many other influential persons.
In short, the statistics tell us that all over the world, regardless of region, country, religious beliefs and other things, in every society from 3% to 10% of homosexual and bisexual people.
Today there are two versions of the “nature” of homosexuality. In accordance with the first, attraction to a person of our gender in some of us has already been genetically incorporated. This opinion is confirmed by some people who realized their homosexuality from an early age and some species of the animal world that practice same-sex contacts. Another version suggests that homosexuality is a social construct, that is, something formed by society and the environment. As confirmation - people who realized the attraction to the representatives of their gender at a later age. Oddly enough, these two versions absolutely do not contradict each other, and therefore many people admit the reliability of each of them.
What if I want my best friend
According to most psychologists - feelings are hard enough to keep inside and sometimes even harmful. Therefore, the only healthy way to cope with such a situation is to express them.
The question is that this can be done in completely different ways.
Here are some of them:
1. Express these feelings talking about them to a friend, showing signs of attention.
2. Express feelings through creativity, some activity.
3. To send feelings to another object (another woman, man).
Which of these methods to apply depends on the specific situation, the sexual orientation of the woman, and many other factors. Below we will take a closer look at each of these methods and their possible consequences.
If you want your best friend, let her know it.
Of course, this is a very risky method and it is not suitable for everyone and not always.
Before taking any serious steps, "probe the soil." Talk with your beloved woman about her attitude to lesbianism. You can go completely from far away, tell a fictional story about a certain person who turned out to be a lesbian and look at the reaction. Or offer to watch a movie together, in which there is a same-sex love line between women and watch the reaction. Try to act carefully and at ease, which does not cause alertness.
If you see a completely positive reaction, then you can proceed further. How exactly - at your discretion. All people express their feelings in different ways. This is not to say that courtship between women is very different from typical heterosexual couples. Warm looks, light touches, hugs, kisses on the cheek - all this can be used. But you always need to be attentive to the feelings of another woman, to notice how she reacts to your attention, whether she likes it.
Another way - you can talk with a friend directly and tell her about your feelings. This is a fairly serious step that requires internal effort and confidence. You need to understand that the reaction can be different.
However, according to the experience of many people who made a fireplace-out (coming-out from English - go out of the closet, talk about their sexual orientation, gender identity, etc.) a lot depends on your particular mood.
You need to speak confidently, in your tone and voice showing that you yourself are completely normal about your feelings, then the woman listening to you will take them calmly.
Be that as it may, the consequences of a fireplace out can be different: from recognition in mutual feelings to a negative reaction, and this must be taken into account. Do not be afraid that your girlfriend will be heterosexual and friendship will be destroyed. True friendships can always be maintained through the efforts of both parties.
Well, if it turns out that your beloved is a bisexual and a lesbian, then you can safely act. But! Do not forget that if she also likes women, she will absolutely reciprocate with you. No need to be intrusive or overly persistent, be attentive to the woman.
If I want my best friend, I’m inspired by another activity.
Quite often in life it happens that our feelings are not mutual. Well, what if you look at it differently?
It is not necessary to demand from the girl this reciprocity, because this is to some extent selfishness.
If your desire or love does not pass, you can send them in a different direction, use as a source of inspiration. Of course, this is not always easy and requires some effort and work on oneself. Try to understand what you can love without expecting reciprocal feelings from a person, feel these emotions inside yourself and enjoy them.
As doctors say, during romantic feelings, our endocrine system secretes many hormones, including hormones of happiness:
• dopamine, which, among other things, is responsible for determination and concentration;
• serotonin causes a feeling of satisfaction;
• adrenaline mobilizes the body's resources, making it capable of active work.
If you learn to manage your feelings, you can achieve a lot in the activity you are interested in. You can do creativity: write music, poetry, draw. If the art direction is not yours, then the resources of the body can be put to work on labor-intensive projects, self-improvement.
You may have strength, attend various trainings, lectures, start learning languages, master a new type of activity.
If reciprocity "does not shine" for you, accept it and take from your feelings the maximum benefit for yourself.
Perhaps you are so carried away by what you love that there will be no room for sadness and suffering.
If I want my best friend, then maybe not only her
The monogamous way of life dictated by society makes us believe that it is possible to experience romantic feelings for only one person, otherwise something is wrong with you.
In objective reality, everything is completely different. You can love as many people as your heart, energy reserves, time and strength allow. So, if it comes to the realization that you want your best friend, and reciprocity is unlikely, it's worth looking back at the world around. See how diverse it is and the people living in it. What different characters, behavior, smiles, looks can be. Feel how exciting it is, to learn other inner worlds.
You may find other women or men who are pretty to you. The main thing to remember when applying this method is that the whole world does not converge on one woman, that it is impossible to replace the whole variety of characters, types of relationships, impressions and emotions with one person. Accept this and it is very likely that you will soon be able to open deep, meaningful and valuable relationships with another person.
As you can see, there is a lot of way to solve the situation and there is not a single hopeless option. Apply the strategy that is closer to you and your specific situation. Remember that the world around us is interesting and diverse, and it’s not enough to spend a lifetime to know it completely, and therefore you should never spend this valuable time on suffering and negative emotions. Love and be loved!
